If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
