how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
