so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
