you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
