yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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