Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
