They should really pass out barf bags in church
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
