Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
