She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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