Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize