You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
