Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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