I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
