...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
