You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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