My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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