Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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