Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
