i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have already put on my inside pants.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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