At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
