We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
