come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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