Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
