Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The air was thick with penises
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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