I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Shame - the story of my life.
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