me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
