i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
be right there i have to get my cape
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
