As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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