There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
