dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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