The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
