The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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