dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
