I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
