who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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