If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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