Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
