How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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