I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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