There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
