Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
