Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
honey bunches of taint.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
