I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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