he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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