overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
