Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
