he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize