That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
