walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
