Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
