So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
