so explain again why im purple
no
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
