i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
