apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
