dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
