I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
