You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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