i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
