Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
