Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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