GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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