i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
