His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
