someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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