This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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