Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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