Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
