You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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