i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
