All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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