You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
