I need help removing her.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
