dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
