So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
