I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im six kinds of drunk right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
