I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
