GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
