Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
