Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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