Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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