big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
