Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
