Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
