Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
