There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
