The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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