he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
