i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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