If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
