brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
