If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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