Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This house was built for laser tag.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
