I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Do vagina's smell?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
