We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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