You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
