Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
