every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I love having hate sex.
bring money and cleavage
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
