just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
