I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
