But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
