it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize