I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
