I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
