why didn't you poke me back
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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