every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
