the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
