I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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