Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
