I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
